Just my Name
by phantompoptart
Summary: It was nothing but a quiet whisper into my shirt after an away mission gone horribly, horribly wrong. A simple whisper, that’s all. My name, just my name....Warnings: implied!slash, character death.


A/N: Hi guys! This isn't my first fic, but it's my first fic to be posted on here, if that makes sense. This started out as going to be pure fluff, but I don't know what happened. Bones wouldn't cooperate with me, and so you get this. I hope you...enjoy it? I guess...Reviews are greatly appreciated.  


* * *

"Bones"

It was nothing but a quiet whisper into his shirt after an away mission. A simple whisper, that's all. His name, just his name.

He _heard_ it, though. The pain, the gratitude, the love. The tone, similar to the one Uhura used when speaking to Spock, was subtly hidden somewhere underneath it all.

"It's okay Jim. I've got you," came the reply into my hair. I snuggled further down and breathed in his scent. Despite that he had just showered, I could detect a faint smell of the sterile white rooms in sickbay, and of thick, rusty blood. I shuddered and felt Bones' arms tighten around me.

My mind was racing, filled with the sights and sounds of earlier that day. It was just a routine mission. No one was supposed to get hurt. Chekov…there was so much blood…so much blood. Bones had patched him up, but _still_. He was 18 for chrissake! Another shudder raced down my spine.

"Shh…it's okay. I've got you, I've got you."

"Is he," I drew in a shaky breath, "He's gonna be okay, right Bones?"

He was numbingly silent. My stomach dropped, and tears welled up in my eyes. I knew what that meant. It meant that I would have to find a new navigator. It meant my helmsman would never be the same. It also meant that I'd lost a dear friend.

"Hikaru's with him right now." His reply had an air of finality to it. Tears started falling freely from my eyes. I had no intention of trying to stop them.

"Bones, you're supposed to fix him! He can't die! He – they're getting married next month, Bones. He can't die. He can't die." My voice broke, and I buried my face in his shirt, finally letting the sobs out.

"Jim, baby, he—he lost a lot of blood," he replied quietly, and, suddenly, I was angry. At myself, for letting Pavel get hurt; at Bones for not being to un-break him; at Sulu for loving him so damn much. I pushed away from him, taking in the fact that he had been crying too.

"I lose blood all the time. Why is this different?!" I hear myself yell. Bones winced.

"Damnit Jim. I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker. I tried. When I left, though, his chances were slim."

"Then why did you leave Bones?! You're smart! Come up with something. Anything. Just make things better. You always make things better." My voice started as a shout and quickly dwindled to a whimper. I pushed my face back into his shirt, my hands gripping the fabric tight.

"There's nothing else I can do, Jim," he said quietly, attempting to sooth me by rubbing circles on my back. "Do you want to go see him?" I shook my head no, and attempted a nod at the same time.

* * *

We made our way down toward sickbay hand in hand. The entire ship was eerily silent, and everyone we passed seemed to be grieving. We were almost there when it happened. We had both been expecting and dreading it, but it didn't make it any easier to endure.

"Dr. McCoy to sickbay immediately. Red alert. Dr. McCoy to sickbay."

Christine's voice rang out over the intercom system. Bones and I looked at each other for a split second before sprinting the rest of the way. My heart was pounding, and tears had sprung up in my eyes again. This was it, and I was never going to get to talk to him again. My last memory of him would be a bloodstained image, and a feeble "Keptin" before he slipped out of consciousness.

We arrived to see a very urgent Christine ushering a terrified looking Sulu out of Pavel's room and into Uhura's arms. Bones grabbed Christine's wrist and pulled her into his room, and we waited.

It seemed like hours. I could hear the two murmuring back and forth hurriedly. Sulu and Uhura stood behind me, crying together, each holding the other up. Finally, Bones let out a quiet "Damnit…damnit, damnit, damnit," and reappeared before us. He looked shocked and distressed. He shook his head.

"He's…we…"

He didn't need to say it, though. Hikaru let out a heartbreaking sob, while Nyota whispered shaking comfort words that I knew wouldn't work. Bones looked so worn, so small, so lost. Pavel had become like a younger brother to him, as much as he would deny it. I took a step forward and gathered the broken man in front of me into an embrace. His arms circled around my waist, gripping tight, trying to hold himself together.

"Jim."

It was nothing but a quiet whisper into my shirt after an away mission gone horribly, horribly wrong. A simple whisper, that's all. My name, just my name.

I heard it though.


End file.
